Of Silence.

These past days, I have been starting the day off really early. Works pilling up,so a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. haha ok random. but yeah, it's been a really long day, long week. I have two assignments to finish up this week, and another test in between those two due dates. yes, i know, ryte. my favourite line these past week has been 'i think i just died' or 'i'm dying' or simply just 'kill me!!'. anyting that has got to do with death. so that I don't have to face the world anymore. I think the world hates me -__-"

anyways, I have realized that I enjoy silence, most of the time. I prefer being alone,but I don't like feeling lonely.that's the worst thing a human being could ever feel.but it's just weird right, I want to be alone but I don't want to feel lonely.doesn't it means the same?NO, of course not.sometimes you could even be in a room full of people and yet you feel so lonely inside.somestimes it's fulfilling to just sit in a library,listen to the music,and trying to understand a 34pages of case in front of you.well,you could only reach the fulfilling level when you've actually understood the case,but you get what I mean right.it's just,doing your own thing.well at least this principle applies to me.hehe.oh yes, and I think I like it better when my phone is on silent mode.haha isn't that just simply bizarre.

people has been saying thing like"if you dont talk,you're not gona be a good lawyer" or, "a good lawyer is the one that defends himself/herself"or, "are you just going to keep quiet in the court room then?". that's a pretty narrow thought.well, at least I think.just because I'm silent, doesn't mean I don't have the ability to talk.just because I'm quiet,doesn't mean I'm a corward or I'm scared of you.just because I don't defend myself doesn't mean I have nothing going on in my mind at that precise moment. I'm silent because I'm listening. I'm quiet because I'm thinking. and I don't defend myself because I'm actually giving you space to talk because I know that's what you want out of the argument.I don't want to lower my standard to yours. I don't need attention. I'm here to gain knowledge. not to show off.I'm not saying I'm smart or anything,but just remember this, just because a person is usually of silence, doesn't make then any less than you are, as a person or as a student.my father told me that the most quiet girl in her class is now a High Court judge.so now,as a law student, I actually have an authority to what I'm saying. :)

so, I just think that there's nothing wrong about not being talkative or a defensive person.there are many many MANY other elements to be considered.probably,better elements.some, you probably just can't see.because you've been using all your sights to things that actually,hm doesn't matter, shall I say.

ok,my point here is actually me enjoying silence.but of course,a normal stressful law student would have gotten emotional and talk about everything else related to the topic.haha.so yeah.I shall go no futher because a copy of a case beside my laptop has been jumping up and down the whole time I'm blogging.so I shall entertain them.and of course finish up my assignment.bye!

Hard time

I don't know why it seems like the circle I'm living in is so messed up. Everything feels so wrong. And everyone is so mad at each other. It so, sad. Just sad. It's such a hard thing to do when you're dealing with people's heart and you youself is trying to balance your own emotions. Girls are just like that,huh? We're just hard.to.deal.with. So complex. But I'm sure that one day we'll understand the beauty of it. Because after all, we are friends. And I believe in happy endings. :)

110111

Lantern that had for the past few weeks emitted a dim, sooty glow-like stars
seen through smog city-were now out of kerosene
creating darkness so complete
thats you couldn't see your hands
even if they scratched your face

-you

She's a Dancer.

Eventually after 3 years of retiring, last Wednesday, I danced. :) oh yes, I couldn't explain the feeling. it's just so very beautiful. I've always been dancing, my whole life. so coming back to that abandoned part of me awakens my soul.and guess what.now I want to start dancing again.hahaha NO.ok I know I can't do that and pass law school at the same time.this is not high school, na-ah.so I shall keep that dream of mine and start to F O C U S.

and regards to this entry, I shall rewind my so-called memory(sometimes I believe that I have none bcs I cant seem to remember much -_-") to my years of dancing.i started to dance when I was little.about 8 or 9 years of age. Ballet. always, never fail, to bring a smile to my face.I love love Ballet. but I quit few years after that because according to my mum , I was shy.I only remembered, I didn't have friends.(I've always been a very reserved girl,and still am)whatever it is, I regretted that decision I made and when I proposed an idea to my mum that I wanted to continue Ballet, she said I'll quit again. (and I was about 15 years old then). ok, can't blame my mum.

and after Ballet, I tried traditional dance. I think I started at the age of 10.but I wasn't really into it.I was shy,yes -_-". it was when I entered high school that I started to love the beauty of it. Zapin, Joget, Jawa, Contemporary etccc. yes, I did it all. it was one of the most amazing experience I've ever had, period.it wasn't just the dance, it was the dancers too!we were like family.we shared the same interest and it's absolutely amazing to get to spend most of my time with them.so much fun.but I started to slow down when I was 16. (bajet nak focus SPM.haha)

at the same time when I was in high school, I was a gymnast too. Rhythmic Gymnastics was the love of my life. it's like coming back to the years when I was a ballerina. I shall say that it was one of the thing that I've achieved the highest rank and proud of. I wasn't a great gymnast. but I was happy.so, yeah.it was amazing. we had all the apparatus and my favourite was ribbon!hahah :D

through all those years, I never knew where I got the talent.both of my sisters weren't into it as I was. it was when I retired(hahah bajet) that I knew my mum was a dancer and a cheerleader/gymnast.and to my suprise, I found out my grandma was a dancer too!hahah.and now all of it make sense.

yes, I miss dancing.of course.I think I've grown fat because because I stop dancing.hehhh!nonethelesss,that passion of mine shall stay and will never fade.it's part of me and made me who I am today.I embrace those beautiful amazing years I had,but I know some things will end at some point in life.but, I think every once in a while it's okay to refresh myself. :)

it'safreakingwildhorse

Like what they say is a silver lining,
stepping in the darkness
of all the chaos,
washing that heart with sparkles,
filling the night with twinkles.
Open that blank eyes,
take everything in,
but never make it full,
and the soul will run free,
wild horses.
Look at that pale face,
approach,and there shall stand a chance
to colour it life.
Your steps are oxygen to me,
and letting me breathe in with your presence,
out,as you leave.

Runaway

running away doesn't solve the problem.but at least it calms me down.
I'll walk back home when I'm done.then I'll figure it all out.
I'll be fine.I'll always be.

:)

if I could make notes for myself and stick it on the wall, I swear all the notes can turn into wallpaper.i just have so many things to remind myself.people forget right,I'm no exception.especially when I'm taken over by emotions,I tend to forget.there are just so many life lessons.each and every one of us has different list.but in the end,everyone just wants to be happy :) and that's all that really matters.